how to be a great Mother

. 10/14/08

A new baby can change your relationship with your husband unintentionally. Getting caught up in your baby's and your own needs may understandably leave your husband out of the picture. As the role of your baby's primary caregiver falls into your lap almost automatically, the other man in your life may feel useless and disconnected at home.

To aggravate things, your personal relationship with one another may take a different turn as you spend less time bonding with your husband. Intimacy also may not rank high on your list as your new mommy figure may leave you feeling insecure and not sexy. Other factors that can strain your relationship may be your low libido, fear of sex and physical exhaustion.

While all the issues that dampen the connection between you and your husband seem to be logical outcomes of having a new baby, you can do something about your relationship to keep it from falling apart. Here are some ways for you to reconnect with your husband without sacrificing your role as a new mom:

1. Regularly go out on dates.

Dating one another should continue even with a new baby around. While having a new baby necessarily entails some adjustments in your dating schedule, spending time alone should never disappear altogether. Careful planning will certainly help in this aspect. Ask a sitter or a close family member to come over for an hour or two while you and your husband go out for dinner or to watch a movie. Create bonding moments by trying new things together.

2. Maintain open communication lines.

You may feel like the whole burden of keeping house, caring for the baby and your husband's needs falls solely on your shoulders while you deal with your own issues of adequacy. Talking things over can ease the strain as you make your husband understand what you are going through. Your husband is not a mind reader and can't always tell what's going on behind your actions. He may read things differently and react accordingly.

A good conversation without fault finding and finger pointing can lead to positive resolutions on how to ease your load at home. Be open to the possibility that your husband can be a good parent in his own way. He can help around the house by taking on more household chores or occasionally feeding or putting your baby to sleep while you prepare for some bonding time in bed. Reaching out to your husband may also put your body issues to rest as you discover how attractive you still are to him.

3. Touch each other regularly.

Maintaining a healthy level of intimacy can also do wonders to your marriage as the lack of it has been identified as a major cause of most marital failures. While making love may not rank high on your list right now, you need it to keep your relationship alive. Other than physical intimacy, regularly hugging or kissing one another are instant ways to connect. Another benefit of physical intimacy is that a satisfied partner will most likely be a cooperative dad and house husband.

4. Be unpredictable every now and then.

Send him flirty messages when he least expects it at work. Surprise him with new lingerie in bed. Make a special dinner for him while your baby is asleep or slip into the bathroom while he is bathing. Your home is your castle and you should feel free to try new things with him behind closed doors.

5. Be beautiful for him.

The sight of a nice and clean wife at the door tells him that you care enough to be pleasing to him. It also reminds him of what attracted him to you even before your new baby came along.

Being a mother should not get in the way of your relationship with your husband. While your additional duties can take your attention away from him, it need not be that way always. These tips will keep you on track in your marriage without deviating from your role as a mom. Take time out to rekindle your relationship with your husband. After all, your new baby is a beautiful reminder of the relationship you once had.


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